Why make resolutions you know you aren’t going to keep?  Statistics show most resolutions are forgotten by the end of January.  I think the problem is that most fishermen try to bite off more than they can chew. I thought I’d take a shot at a few resolutions that are easy and achievable. Don’t disappoint yourself.  Try these:

1.  Fish with your shirt off.  Especially if you have great pecs, a six-pack, and enticing body hair.  Also, double-fist Bud Heavys whenever you get the chance. Extra points if the temperature is below 30-degrees Fahrenheit.

2.  Don’t be a dick.  Too difficult?  Okay, then don’t be a dick on more than three occasions on the Internet or to your wife when she says, “Instead of fishing, I really want you to visit some yard sales with me Saturday.”  Go fishing anyway, but be sure to compliment what she bought when you get back home and don’t leave your dirty socks on the floor unless they’re close to the washing machine and promise her you’ll take the garbage out tomorrow.  Plan on less sex in 2013.

3.  Not counting beer, don’t drink alcohol directly from the bottle.  Wait, let me amend that.  Don’t drink directly from the bottle in the truck at a red light beside a cop. It’s okay when you’re on a boat and you’re not the captain.  Keep the captain sober, but it’s cool if you sneak a nip now and then.  Just don’t fall in.

4.  If you feel yourself falling in, grab a buddy.  I saw this first-hand in 2012 and I highly encourage the practice for 2013.  If you grab a buddy when you’re falling over, one of two things will happen: either you’ll pull him over the rail with you, or he’ll save you.  Either way, you win!

5.  Go to bed early.  At least go to bed early before that one winter fishing trip when you know you have to get up at 3:00 AM to get to the best spot before daylight way ahead of the other guys because they don’t know how to fish it and they will just screw things up.  Don’t make this a habit though.  If you aren’t fishing with me, go ahead and oversleep most of the time.

6.  Give a man a fish.  In fact, give him two or three.  Don’t teach him how to fish, because if you do, he’s just gonna get up early one morning and beat you to your fishing spot and screw things up.

7.  Don’t throw stuff overboard.  This doesn’t apply to buddies you grab when you’re falling out of the boat.  Also, don’t trespass unless you’re pretty sure you won’t get shot by a Tomahawk missile .

8.  Don’t cross the shipping channel in total white-out-fog conditions without radar or a radio when you hear more than five freighters blasting their foghorns.  Trust me on this one.

9.  Drive under the speed limit.  At least drive under the speed limit when you’re pulling a six-thousand pound boat and a friend texts you and says, “watch out, there’s a speed trap coming into Exmore.”  Disregard this if you’ve got a good-looking silver-haired stud riding with you who can talk any cop out of a ticket.

10.  Fix your trailer lights.  Or, at least, drive under the speed limit.

11.  Don’t wear Crocs.  On second thought, don’t wear Crocs while fishing offshore in Virginia in December.

12.  Be more decisive about where to find the fish.  If you’d rather not, encourage your fishing buddies to be more decisive, then blame them if they guessed wrong.

13.  Gain some weight.  Because mayonnaise is delicious on chocolate doughnuts at 7:00 am when it’s 17-degrees, and Natty Boh tastes just like orange juice in the morning if you get your head around it right.

14.  Lose some weight.  Because when you’re catching fish and your buddies aren’t, lunch is out of the question.

15.  Don’t blame your farts on the dog.  Especially if you don’t have a dog in the truck. Instead, blame a fishing buddy.  Extra points if there’s a family member present and you blame him.  You can rehearse this ahead of time with mayonnaise and chocolate doughnuts.

16.  Eat more Vienna sausages and boiled eggs, then dip some crabs.  Take the dog.

17.  Teach your kids how to tie a palomar.  On second thought, teach them to tie their shoes, if they’re worth a crap, they’ll figure out fishing knots on their own.

18. Carry at least one picture of your wife and kid on your cell phone.  It doesn’t detract from the one-hundred-thirty-two pics of your boat, your truck, and all the big fish you caught.

19.  Don’t tease the family cat when you practice fly-casting in the back yard.  If you do, at least mash your barbs.

20.  Stop teasing the trollers.  Nah, that’s too hard.  Remember, these are achievable resolutions, so go ahead.

So, there’s my twenty achievable resolutions for 2013. Can you think of more?  I’ll be back next week with a fishing report.  Until then, look for me this Saturday and Sunday and the Mid-Atlantic Outdoor Sportsman’s Expo in Upper Marlboro. I speak at 11:00 AM both days and I’ll have a book-signing table in the mornings.

Here’s to tight lines in 2013 and don’t forget that resolution number one is to Go fishing!



Posted Tuesday, January 8th, 2013 at 10:41 pm
Filed Under Category: Fishing Reports
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Responses to “Achievable Resolutions For 2013”

  1. Reece L. says:

    This year I will try not to show up drunk at custody hearings.

  2. Steve says:

    Very funny thanks for keeping us educated and entertained,I always look forward to reading your “stuff”

  3. Emily C. says:

    Why do I think there is more to the story on some of these? Thanks for the laughs.

  4. Captain Bee says:

    I find this to be vile, crude, sexist, and discrimanatory to trollers. In other words hilarious.

  5. jumbo1 says:

    OK I need to cover some things…why is my pic under #9?..Oh thats right I’m the one that got the “warning”..When Rich got out of the truck that lady cop melted…thanks Rich!
    #8..Is for real!…Whew!..he’s not kidding..
    #20…..I can’t do that…the rest seem OK..
    #5 and #12 are doeable in 2013..

    Tight lines brother!

  6. Amanda says:

    These are fantastic! Happy New Year!!!

  7. Emily C. says:

    Is that Jamie?

  8. Andy key says:

    Great story and picture.

  9. Mike B says:

    I witnessed #8. It is an interesting experience but worth the 48″ fish you set me up with.

    Funny stuff!


  10. Daniel says:

    Don’t take a piss in front of the truck while VA DNR is checking the boat owner at the ramp for license.

    Don’t count on your buddies to back you up while being checked by VA DNR at the ramp.

    Don’t count on your buddies to back you up when you pick fights at Kelly’s.

  11. Coach 23 says:

    Daniel, we missed you this year down at CBBT. Just wasn’t the same.

  12. Evans says:

    Good read! Pretty funny stuff Shawn!


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